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13 February 2011,
Better Team


13 February 2011
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What makes life complicated are at least 3 things:  attachment to the past, the search for perfection & the need for external approval.

It depends.  (C’mon, you saw  it coming)  Life is as simple or as complicated as you make it.   Keeping my own life simple has come with lots of practice of awareness, self-introspection, and learning.  But there are 3 things I find that we can be and do to make it a lot more simple and enjoyable.

Don’t get me wrong! It’s ok to like “complicated”… lots of people thrive on having “complicated” lives. They have more stories to tell, more dramas to live out, more friends saying, “Wow, it’s hard to be you.” And in many ways, that can feed their need for attention, their desire to stand out, and their yearn for love.  A friend (a true friend) will come along, and tell them, “Hey, get over your drama and stop making things so complicated, and just keep it simple sweetie.”  They may or may not keep him as their friend depending on their ego, but sooner or later, they’ll realize that their stories are all the same and the burden they feel is simply not necessary.

What makes life complicated are at least 3 things:  attachment to the past, the search for perfection & the need for external approval.

Attachment to your past, including regrets, not forgiving yourself, and remembering “the good ol’ days” anchors your ship from moving forward in the sea of life.  It sucks the energy that you need to move on happily.  It fills your thoughts with things you can no longer control and leaves very little space for things you can.

Perfection is just not possible.  People who search for perfection become overly critical of self and others, very hard to please, overly self conscious, and frankly not very pleasant to be with.  The “nothing is ever good enough” attitude leaves the people around them feeling inadequate and withdraw slowly or apathetically.  Usually perfectionists fail to be grateful for the things they already have, and therefore carry around a negative sense about them. Strive for excellence, but not perfection.

If what makes you happy is the approval of others, get ready for a rough ride!  Growing up with very few friends in my teenage years, I felt like I needed to make myself liked by everyone around me.  I fly around like a social butterfly trying to win the hearts and minds of people.  I later realize that everyone has different standards and trying to fill all of them is just too big of a job for me.  So now I have my own standards, I pick my own environments and life has been more peaceful since.

In the last 3 years of simplifying my own  life, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are 3 things that does the job.  You may want more, but I find 3 is quite simple to remember, right?

First, Know What You Want. Know WHY you’re doing what you’re doing.  Know your PURPOSE and what you want to be remembered for.  This is your beacon, your guiding star, your compass.  To summarize Rick Warren (author of Purpose Driven Life), when you have purpose, you can bear anything… without it, nothing seems bearable.  When I found my purpose to Create a World where People Contribute at their Very Best, I found my focus.  I found the type of business I must be in to do that, the type of people I must hang out with, the activities I must focus on to get there.  The rest is just fluff.  Knowing what you want helps you focus on the things that really matter.

Secondly, Be Self Aware. Know yourself… or at least start to get to know yourself.  Know your own thinking process. Be aware of the way you make decisions and the way you tend to complicate things.  How do you manage your time and what do you allow to distract your mind from the important things?  The first step to change is awareness.

And lastly, Learn from the Greats. Through whatever means you feel most comfortable, have a learning culture. There are many books about simplifying life (ie. 100 ways to simplify your life, Simplify your Life, Simplify your Love… just to name a few).  It’s just up to us to learn from them.  You don’t have to reinvent the wheel.  This topic is nothing new and we can speed up our process of change by learning from people who’ve done it.

Is this simple enough?  3 things to remember, 3 things to do.  Now let’s get into ACTION!!

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Cynthia Wihardja Busines Coach ActionCOACH

Cynthia Wihardja Busines Coach ActionCOACH

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